Seeker Of Wisdom; I have decided to learn how to meditate.
Rich Old Bastard; That sounds like a good idea to me.
S.O.W.; Yeah, I just signed up for the course, it cost $2,500.
R.O.B.; Seems a bit steep.
S.O.W.; Well it should be, it’s being taught by a genuine Maharishi.
R.O.B.; You don’t say.
S.O.W.; That’s right, all the way from INDIA.
R.O.B.; I can teach you how to meditate in 2 minutes, and I’m not even a Maharishi.
S.O.W.; Okay, smarty pants, teach me.
R.O.B.; Very simple. For 15 to 20 minutes (I use a timer), once or twice a day, sit quietly with your eyes closed. Clear your mind and focus your attention on your breathing. As you breathe, gradually slow the rate at which you breathe and make your breath shallower. Don’t force it, just let it slow down naturally. If a thought pops into your head, let it go and focus your attention back to your breathing.
S.O.W.; That’s it?
R.O.B; Basically.
S.O.W.; What about my mantra? The Maharishi is going to give me a special mantra just for me.
R.O.B.; You don’t need a mantra to meditate, but if it makes you feel better, you can choose any word or sound that you want. For example when you breathe in, you can use the mantra “in.” When you breathe out the mantra “out.” There is no “special mantra” for each individual. That is a cleaver marketing ploy.
S.O.W.; Do I need to sit in the lotus position and make loops with my fingers?
R.O.B.; No, not unless you don’t have a chair. Just be comfortable. I would advise against laying down though, because you might fall asleep.
S.O.W.; What if I get an itch?
R.O.B.; Scratch it, and return to meditation. You are not trying to be a human statue or a guard at Buckingham Palace.
S.O.W.; What if I do it wrong?
R.O.B.; There is no way you can do it wrong. Even sitting quietly with your eyes open, not trying to do anything, will have some beneficial effect. At first you will find random thoughts will be popping into your head left and right. This is normal. Like any new skill you need to practice, but don’t try to force it. It will get easier and more pleasant over time. Don’t over think it.
S.O.W.; That’s really all there is to it?
R.O.B.; Yes, Keep it simple. I have been doing it that way for several years.
S.O.W.; Has it helped?
R.O.B.; Very much. In addition to a general feeling of calm, I find it has helped me to focus my attention on one thing at a time instead of worrying about all the other things I need to do. Also, if I’m having a tough day or experiencing a stressful situation, I focus my attention on slowing my breathing as I do while meditating, and it instantly helps me to relax and get my head together. I recommend it to everyone.
S.O.W.; Thanks, I think you just saved me $2,500.
R.O.B.; Wait until you get my bill!