Young Apprentice; I’ll never understand women!
Rich Old Bastard; They can be hard to figure.
Y.A.; I have been dating this girl for three weeks. I have Taken her out to expensive restaurants, bought her gifts, sent her flowers, called her several times a day, been a perfect gentleman. Every time I tried to put the moves on her she said “no” and I stopped. Today she told me she just wants to be friends!
R.O.B.; Ouch.
Y.A.; That’s not even the worst part. She is getting back with her old boyfriend. This guy is a total douche! He cheated on her, mistreated her, disrespected her all the time, “borrowed” money from her and never repaid it… he even shoved her around a few times.
R.O.B.; How do you know all this?
Y.A.; It’s all she used to talk about, and I would be supportive and give her a shoulder to cry on, just like guys are supposed to do. This always happens to me. It is frustrating as hell! What is going on?
R.O.B.; A couple of things. The first one is that when you act overly nice, women assume (correctly) that you are just doing it to get into their pants. It’s like a gift of obligation.
Y.A.; “Gift of obligation”, what the heck is that?
R.O.B.; It’s when someone gives you something (usually something you don’t want) or does you a “favor” but they expect something they do want in return. This trick is as old as the hills. Years ago, in New York City, homeless bums would approach cars stopped at red light intersections and proceed (uninvited) to do them a “favor” and clean their windshield. Of course, they expected something (money) in return for their generous gift. (The people driving their cars HATED the “squeegee guys” as they were known. This practice went on for years until New York elected the greatest mayor in history, Rudy Giuliani, and they were soon displaced.)
The point is, women not only recognize this ploy, they resent you for trying it.
Y.A.; Holy crap. Do you think it was that obvious?
R.O.B.; Yes, especially after it has happened to them a million times. Her old boyfriend might be a douche, but at least he is honest about it.
Y.A.; Okay, I admit I was trying to get into her pants, but I really AM a nice guy, and I am honest.
R.O.B.; I believe you, but let me ask you this… do you like girls who are overly nice? Do you like it when they give you presents, follow you around and call you all the time?
Y.A.; No way dude! My ex girlfriend was like that. She was too “clingy”, that’s why I dumped her.
R.O.B.; What kind of girls do you like?
Y.A.; Well, don’t tell anyone, but I like them kinda bitchy. There is something about a bitchy girl that really turns me on.
R.O.B.; Why?
Y.A.; I don’t know why, I just do. It’s weird. I can’t help it.
R.O.B.; A-HA!! There you go!
Y.A.; Where I go?
R.O.B.; You like what you like and you don’t know why. Women are the same way, they don’t consciously decide who they are attracted to. They either feel the attraction or they don’t. It is not something they can control any more than you or I can control what we like. They often don’t even know why they feel as they do. When asked, they make something up or say whatever sounds good and seems to make sense.
Y.A.; Is that why they always claim to like “nice guys” or “funny guys”?
R.O.B.; Of course. What do you expect them to say “I like guys who treat me like shit”? Who would ever admit to that? Think about it, have you ever heard anyone admit to this?
Y.A.; No, never.
R.O.B.; Have you ever seen someone happily being treated like shit by their girlfriend or boyfriend?
Y.A.; Yeah, plenty of times.
R.O.B.; So what does that tell you? Forget about what people say, and watch what they do instead.
Y.A.; So, you are telling me to be a douche? I don’t think I can do that. I wasn’t raised that way. I hate guys like that.
R.O.B.; Not necessarily a total douche, but you have definitely got to ditch the whole “nice guy” routine. You will never get anywhere with that approach. Everyone knows being “nice guy” does not work, but they want it to work. They think it should work, so they keep trying it over and over again. Sadly, most guys never catch on, and they wind up hating and blaming women, when it is not really their fault.
The whole male/female dynamic has always been this way, and it is not going to change because we want it to. Women are not just going to suddenly be turned on by niceness, and that is actually better for us guys.
Y.A.; Better? Better how?
R.O.B.; Better because it takes a lot of work to be nice all the time. Once she gets used to a certain level of niceness, you will have to be even nicer to keep her interest. If you fall below that level, she will forget about you and find some jerk who is nicer to replace you with. How long do you think you could keep that up?
Y.A.; I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
R.O.B.; Of course, some women are different. There is no single approach that will work on all of them. Much of it is just a matter of chance, a numbers game, but it pays to play the odds. You should shoot for a happy medium, somewhere in-between, but always closer to “douche” than “nice guy.” Don’t outright mistreat them, but NEVER put them on a pedestal either. This will give you the best odds for success.
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