Fat-Ass Person; I just bought that new diet book. It is #1 on the best-seller list. I am finally going to lose the weight!
Rich Old Bastard; What happened with the diet book you bought last month?
F.A.P.; It was okay, I lost a couple of pounds… but this new book has the REAL secret to weight loss.
R.O.B.; I can tell you the secret of weight loss in two words.
F.A.P.; You can? What is it?
R.O.B.; “Eat less”.
F.A.P.; EAT LESS? That’s crazy talk! If I did that I would starve myself. Low calorie diets are UNHEALTHY.
R.O.B.; I see. What does the book say you should do?
F.A.P.; It says I should eat MORE.
R.O.B.; Isn’t that how you got fat in the first place?
F.A.P.; NO! You don’t understand. If I eat more, the book says my metabolism will “speed up” in order to compensate for all the extra food I am taking in. If I eat less, my body will go into “starvation mode”, stop burning calories, and I will gain weight. Not only that, the body will start to consume it’s own muscle tissue to make up for the deficit.
R.O.B.; You think that your body would choose to burn it’s own muscle tissue rather than the fat that’s stored on it for that very purpose?
F.A.P.; That’s what it says in the book.
R.O.B.; Kind of makes you wonder how our species survived on Earth for so long with such a glaring design flaw.
F.A.P.; What do you mean?
R.O.B.; Primitive man did not have a constant supply of high-calorie, high-carb, high-protein, nutritionally dense food at his disposal 24/7 like we do. It was either feast or famine for 99.999% of human history. It still is in many places in the world. That is why people overeat and the body stores fat when there is excess food, to live on when there is a shortage. If you want to lose weight you must create that shortage. (We realize this is a slight oversimplification, but it is basically correct.)
F.A.P.; That’s not what it says in the book.
R.O.B.; Does it occur to you that the author of that book is just telling fat people what they want to hear so she can sell more books?
F.A.P.; You are so insensitive! You don’t know what it is like, you are not fat.
R.O.B.; You assume because My weight is currently under control that I have never had a weight problem. The fact is I have constantly struggled with my weight since I was a little boy. I have never been obese, but I was overweight most of my life even though I was very physically active and diet conscious. I do understand and empathize with you. Some people, like you and I, will gain weight wile eating less than other people. Our bodies simple need less food than others do. Also, as you begin to lose weight, your body will need even less because it will be smaller. What finally worked for me was a Low-Carb, High-Fat (no kidding) High-Protein diet. I also fast for several days every few weeks.
F.A.P.; If you know so much about it, why don’t you write a diet book?
R.O.B.; Because nobody would buy it. You can’t give the truth away much less sell it. People would rather keep looking for “secret” weight loss tricks that are painless and require no effort. The reality is it’s hard to lose weight and keep it off. That’s why there are so many fat people waddling around.
F.A.P.; Well I’ll show you, by this time next month I will be 20 pounds lighter!
R.O.B.; Okay, I hope I am wrong.
One month later…
F.A.P.; I just bought that new diet book. It is #1 on the best-seller list. I’m finally going to lose the weight.